Baby One-Starting Off

I looked around my sparsely furnished room. I had sold most of the furniture to make room for things for a new baby, and so far I was mostly successful. I sat on the only chair in the room and gazed around it, my eyes searching for something to do. They fell on the bookcase, and I stood with a sigh. Well, there is no time like the present to learn about babies. I take the book from the shelf and walk to my bedroom. I lie down and prop my head on the headboard, before opening the book to page one.

MEASURING YOUR PREGNANCY

Doctors and midwives in the UK measure the duration of pregnancy from the first day of your last menstrual period, not from the day you conceive. So when you are ‘four weeks pregnant’, it is actually about two weeks after you conceived. Pregnancy normally lasts for 37–42 weeks from the 

first day of your last period. The average is 40 weeks. If you are not sure about the date of your last period, then your early scan (see page 48) will give a good indication of when your baby will have been conceived. The developing baby is called an embryo. From about eight weeks, it is called a foetus.

GREAT! This book has so far taught me everything I learned in 8th Grade Health class. I hear a knock at the door and I open it to see a clump of neighbours stood there. At the head stood the infamous Paisley Parker. I say infamous, because I knew her from the same Health Class I just mentioned. And we had decided to do the 100 baby challenge together. Behind her were a clump of people I didn't really recognise, but was assured were other challenge mothers.  The introduced themselves as Calista Smith, and Laura Johanson. I liked them all.  We were a real little rainbow of people with purple, blue and purply-blue hair. They introduced me to how the challenge works, and how to get fathers. Apparently it's really easy, but then I suppose most men aren't too hard to seduce, they think about sex every seven seconds on average. Did you know that?

After they left to do their thing (with much protestation from Paisley) I went out to central park to try and find a guy. I took my guitar, and I figured I could try singing too while I was there. It's always nice to make a bit of cash if you're as poor as I am.  While I was there I met one man, Clementine Steel. Apparently his father was in infamous Christopher Steel, and he'd named his child this because it was ginger. I don't much like this, since he's not NEARLY orange enough to be a fruit. And all he does is make me hungry when I talk to him. "Hi there!" I say to him. He looks at me strangely, then says, "Hi." hesitantly. It seems the happy approach isn't working. "Wanna go back to my place and have make babies with me? I need babies." I say next. He looks left, and right as if weighing up his options, then he turns to me and nods. That was easier than I expected. But he looks like the kind of guy who spends too much time with his computer. (If you know what I mean) so I'm probably the closest thing to pretty he's ever had a chance with.

Not long afterwards we're back at my place and I seduce him, though it's closer to him submitting instantly. Some time afterwards I hear a noise which I assume to be the lullaby the other mothers told me about. I usher him out of my back door and through the garden quicker than you can say 'Quidditch.' I was more than eager to get him out of my hair and back to his computer games.

The afternoon's activities having tired me out I decide to prepare a salad. Mainly because it's been a while since I slept, and frankly, if I fall asleep while I make this nothing's going to set on fire. I grab all the ingredients and start chopping before I layer everything with Vinegarette and dig in. Salad may not be the most filling of meals, but it is very simple and nutritious.

I fall asleep on the couch shortly afterwards for a night of fitful sleep. I wake up around 2AM and vomit, which is not the nicest feeling, into the toilet. While I throw up, I realise what woke me. I'm showing my first little baby bump. I lean down and pat it, the first new life I am bringing into the world. Up until this moment I had been doubting myself, but now I know that I am born to be a mother. I retreat to my bedroom where I return to sleep cuddling my new child.

The next morning I wake up and am once again greeted by the urge to vomit. I swear, if I have to go through this 100 times I will have a breakdown. I brush my teeth to get rid of the foul taste before it makes me puke again, and then walk out into the kitchen where I begin to cook myself some breakfast. Overnight my baby bump has grown, and I can't believe just how fast it is.

My phone rings and  answer it absently, until Paisley's voice travels across the line. "HEY! Congratulations on baby number one!" I nearly drop the phone in surprise. I hadn't told anyone yet, so how had she found out. I put these same thought into voice and she quickly explains. "Clementine posted it on his MySim account and I got the email notification. Apparently he had a 'raving night of intense fun with Skye and can't wait to do it again' I grunt in disgust and walk towards the front door. "Two things, firstly, Ew. It was not a raving night of mad fun, and only someone like him, who has a girlfriend named 'Jill' would think that. Secondly, What kind of a loser has MySim, other than emo teenagers with nothing better to do?" I can almost see Paisley's shrug and giggle inwardly. "So what about you?" I ask. Seeing as I'm not the only one starting the challenge today. "I'm probably about the same as you. I saw you ditching Clem as I was tryng to get rid of my first guy. So either you shag fast (unlikely) or you started at the same time as I did."

This is true. Though I refuse to confirm or deny anything specific. I pat my belly and tell Paisley bye. I was going to the library to read up on pregnancy, another tip from Calista. I hoped I was not going to be going into labour today, since that would be very unfortunate, all things considered.

I call a taxi and it carries me off to a world of mystery and wonder. Yes. I like books. I walk into the large room and there is a cart of books in front of me. I know I'm here for a reason, but just a peek can't hurt. I find a book on Norse mythology, and a Thor annual. I like both of these immensely, and considering my... obsessive nature I delve right into both. Just in case you couldn't tell, I like Marvel. Specifically, Loki. Meh. What can I say, I have a thing for bad guys.

I don't realise I've sat there all day reading until it's nearly sunset, so I stand and go to the desk and check the book out. The woman at the till laughs and makes a comment about how she never thought I would leave, then I take my book and stalk out as haughtily as a pregnant woman can.

I decide to take a walk around town, since I always did love places at night, and find myself at a beach by the base of a cliff. It is there that I go into labour. “AARGH! Why did I ever sign up to this!?” I yelled, feeling the pain of labour for the first time. This was a feeling I did not want to repeat. As the searing pains powered through me again, something felt different. The baby was coming. I tried to find somewhere comfortable to give birth to my first child. Easier said than done. Not much later, I gave birth to a healthy little boy, who I named Ryn.